6/1/12

change.



A casual lunch date with an old friend hardly seems like the expected time for profound realizations.
But there I was, listening to him  talk about his latest trip to Nevada and all I could think was, 
"this isn't you. you don't go to Nevada. you hardly ever leave home. ...who are you?"

I realized in that moment how much has changed.
We aren't the same two kids who were attached at the hip, our whole lives.
We've changed.
We've grown into two separate people who see each other a few times a year.
We've traded in  routine phone calls that last hours on end for a happy 'hello', and 'how have you been'  whenever we run into each other on accident.

Things are different now. 

I know that change is inevitable.
And I know that God has a plan for everything.

I only hope that I'm doing my part  to honor His plan the way He wants.
I try so hard to hold on. To  keep things the way they are.
To do things my way.
I pray for signs.
And then when He gives me direction, I pray for different signs.

I'm stubborn.

Deep down, I know my own way is nowhere near as wonderful as the path He has prepared.
But for some reason, I resist. 
I find myself clinging to that 'lizard on my shoulder', in  fear of letting go 
and accepting change.

And while I know that letting go of it all is the only way to get where He intends for me to go,  my grip gets tighter and tighter as He tries to pull me away.

But I want to let go:
of my fears.
of my need for control.
of my attempts to 'do it better'.

I want to  move forward.

I want to change.

4 comments:

  1. i love this post - so much truth! giving up what we think is best is challenging, but resting in the truth that God's plan is always better is so comforting! excited to read more of your blog - following you!

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  2. def LOVE LOVE LOVE this post girl!


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  3. This is a great post! Just came across your blog! I hope you will visit mine too! Let me know if you want to follow each other!!

    http://flairbybrandi.blogspot.com

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  4. Girl I can totally relate to this post!
    It's so weird spending time with old friends when time has passed between you. People always change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. I love when you say "Deep down, I know my own way is nowhere near as wonderful as the path He has prepared." This is something I have been trying to cling to as truth these past weeks!
    Love your blog and can't wait to follow along!

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